Essay About When You Still Feel Guilty After Four Years About Putting Your Dog Down
Asking for Forgiveness and Finding Answers Could Help You Feel Better
We had our dog Bailey for fourteen years. She was a part of our family. She did everything with us and kept us safe. She was a beautiful flat-coated, black, retriever with very large brown eyes.
I have twins and we got Bailey when they were about eight years old. She was still a puppy but almost a year old. We adopted her for the boys but she took up with me because I hugged her when she got to our house after I found that she had been living in a dog crate at the pound for about three months. Sad. I told her she would never have to do that again and I think she understood every word.
We brought her into our lives and she was adorable. She played nice, never nipped or was never in a mood ever, always loving. If any stranger came into the house she was always right by my side. My forever guardian.
When the boys were twelve we moved from a small two bedroom apartment to a three bedroom house with a fenced yard. It was near a busy street but I made sure she could not get out of the fenced yard which she tried to do a few times.
It took her about two weeks to get used to so much freedom. She didn’t eat much but I could tell she was happy. She had such good manners as to do her business in the areas where no one walked such as in the ivy. Such a good dog.
After a few years we moved to another house which was a split-level with a gigantic wooded backyard. She loved it because there was a lot of wildlife such as squirrels, raccoons, and opossum. She had fun. So much so that one day I found her toys at the bottom of a hill next to a tree.I was wondering why they were there. I took them back up to the patio but found them again a few days later. When I did I found a family of baby squirrels living in the oak tree. She was taking her toys there for them to play. Now that is a sweet dog. That blew me away.
After a few years there we all decided to move to Florida where my daughter and granddaughter live. I was getting close to retirement, my job was getting to me, my blood pressure was high, and the boys needed a new environment. So we packed up and moved. Bailey was great on the trip. No problems. As long as she was with us she was great.
The year before we left Georgia she was suffering from an allergy that caused sores on her paws and face. We kept medicine on it so it wouldn’t grow but it wasn’t enough. It spread and spread.
When I paid for the move to Florida and got us set up to live there the cash-out money from my old job ran out. I was 64 and headed to retirement. I was able to get social security, the boys were working, the house was too expensive that we found, and we were overrun with debt. My daughter was also living with us but she had her own bills. Basically, with the house, utilities, food, etc. we didn’t have enough money to help our poor dog.
She was suffering from the allergy which ravaged her skin. She looked like she had mange but didn’t. I did take her to the vet at the beginning but later on it was impossible to pay for her care. I used to have insurance for her but had to drop that because it got to be so expensive.
I felt bad every time I saw her knowing I could not do anything to help her. She was always in a good mood, always kind and loving, but I could not take care of her with such a problem. It would have cost us thousands to get her well and I nor anyone in my household could pay that.
So you see why I feel so guilty that the only thing we could do was put her out of her misery. I know she was in misery because her muscles were always taut. She could never relax and when she had to go out she could not make it out the door soon enough causing accidents there.
I miss my precious girl still to this day, four years later. I hope she has forgiven me for what I had to do.